Ask Me About My Emotional Support Throw Pillows
(And Other Decor Confessions of a Chronic Overthinker)

1. "They’re Cheaper Than Therapy"

• The Evidence: That $40 velvet pillow you had to buy after your third Zoom meeting of the day.
• The Science: Squishy textures = instant serotonin. (See also: stress-eating croissants.)
• Pro Hack: Arrange them in a nest formation for emergency nap readiness.

2. "I Name Them Like Pets"

• Meet the Squad:
• Karen (the prickly sequined one)
• Dwayne "The Rock" (overstuffed, never moves)
• Todd (slightly misshapen, but we don’t talk about it)

3. "They’re My Social Shield"

• Hosting Strategy: Pile 7 pillows on the couch. Oops, no room for your in-laws to sit!
• First Date Test: If they judge Todd, swipe left.

4. "The Ultimate Lie"

• Secret: That "vintage" lumbar pillow? Stuffed with old socks. (Innovation.)
• Gaslighting 101: "Oh this? It’s Belgian linen." (It’s a tea towel.)

5. "They’ve Seen Things"

• Witness Log:
• Midnight snack crumbs
• Ugly-cry mascara stains ("It’s abstract art!")
• The one plant you didn’t kill (fake, obviously)

Need Your Own Support Pillow?
Try my "No-Judgment" Starter Pack:

1. Something fuzzy (for rage-squeezing)
2. Something absurd (pineapple-shaped = instant convo starter)
3. Something you can ugly-cry into (dark colors only)

DM me your pillow roster—I’ll diagnose your emotional state by your decor.

(P.S. Todd says hi.)